


raindrops in puddles

by AikoIsari



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-21 11:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1548398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AikoIsari/pseuds/AikoIsari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My brother has grown old," Luna thinks in Ariana's solemn voice. "But he's still unhappy. Why isn't he dreaming good dreams anymore?"From the end of one war to the end of another, Ariana watches over her brother's work. Reincarnation, a series of interconnected drabbles. Rating possible to change, semicanon compliant</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

She often recalls wonderful lights.

She thinks of flowers and many voices and good, beautiful things like magic.

She remembers her heart becoming broken glass.

Luna remembers these things and remembers too much brightness and a lot of screams and sometimes some chills.

They are her memories. They are not her memories.

Even little, she knows that if she is a grave, she must remember anyway.


	2. ii

No sentences.

Yes, an important fact. She was the  _baby_ then so even when she got to be bigger than a bread loaf she was always the baby and not allowed to be around anymore.

Babies didn't speak in full sentences.

Luna knows Ariana used to think in those sentences. When she was well of course. When all she had to focus on was goats and squiggly letters and not speaking right because speaking was  _painful_ then, you see. Ariana knew that, so she had never tried to do it.

Being smart or dumb or like everybody else, those are things that Luna knows about, not Ariana.

But she  _is_ Ariana, so she can also not worry about those things. They don't matter, not like angels and Snorkacks and the  _flowers-that-bloom-without-stems._

The flowers are always red.

And Luna always speaks clearly.

It doesn't mean she is always understood.


	3. iii

They dream of Hogwarts, dreaming of it together because even when the magic hurts  _(because her magic was bad and it hurts and it hurts and they hurt and it mustn't do that, no it's supposed to be_ gentle _)_ she knows it's supposed to be beautiful and so does Ariana.

So they dream of it together, dancing it at their palms and telling stories with it, watching until papa gently uncups their hands  _(This papa comes back every time, even when it's Ariana talking instead of Luna because Ariana is still afraid of using more than a few words and screams and her hands)_ and tells her that to do that magic too much will attract the wrong people's eyes and then how will they be able to go nargle hunting together?

They understand. The wrong people watching happened once.

Ariana remembers it all of the time.

Luna does great care not to forget what that means. There are wrong people in the world, as there should be. But there are also right people.

Mama and Papa are right people.

Ariana thinks that her family was right too, but they did wrong things sometimes, but they were family.

She thinks they sometimes forgot that, as well.


	4. iv

Magic is pretty, magic is sad.

There are pretty lights so people are distracted by them.

She meets other people who do things like she does, with magic and lights and fairy tales. Luna loves fairy tales because, seeing as she does, all of them are true. Every fairy tale that isn't written down is true, because Papa says so. And because Mama has proved it.

And because monsters are real.

Monsters are boys who don't understand things and try to make those very same things fit into their worlds, are men who are supposed to be fathers who do bad things in the name of love, mothers and brothers who love but put up a cage made of tall white picket and fragile bricks.

Monsters are little girls who become broken teacups and can't be poured into anymore.

Monsters are magical and scary and brilliant.

If they are real, why aren't fairies? Why aren't fairy stories real?

If she can see things in rippling puddles, why does no one consider them real?

Because they do not want to.


	5. v

Magic doesn't hurt now.

Perhaps she has less of it.

They think they have more because it's always bubbling like Mama's potions and the bad inkwells, it just never hurts and it listens when they say no.

It's nice to have someone that listens, even if it's just yourself.


	6. vi

Magic likes explosions.

Most of her magic isn't fireworks. Their magic tends to like flowers and toys and making things change and dance. It is with the goats Aberforth used to have and the nargles and puppy that Luna had until  _the very big boom_ happened.

Luna remembers it, not with fondness but with a distant bad sadness, like Ariana remembers her Mummy being gone.

It almost brings fits of rage and pain when she remembers. Almost.

But all Luna has is her Papa now, so she can't risk it. She can't risk being sad about things because if she does something like Mama did, and explodes, her poor Papa would not survive being alone.

They both suspect he won't survive her magic either, but no good comes of saying that.


	7. vii

When  _that day_ comes, Luna makes sure to remember. She recalls the potions that were being made when the tall man in the dark robes asks her, the exact amount dribbled in, the way the fire roared and her mother smiled at her.

_("Mama was happiest with me or with a big fire to play with. If we were both in the same room, she was like me, a happy little girl.")_

Luna, at nine, tells the tall men in clear, full sentences the color of the spells cast, and what she thinks the Latin was, and the colors of the odd potions in each flask before everything went horribly wrong, and Ariana quietly wonders who she is crying for: this Mummy her brothers said she had killed, or Luna's Mama, because they aren't the same person.

One was strict and stern but loved with a sad, rainy heart.

One is - _was_ \- free and cheery and always bouncing with love, a spitfire of warmth.

They guess they are not meant to have someone to grow up calling "mum".

Ariana had hers longer but Luna isn't jealous.

They're all the same, causing pain and destruction wherever they go.

It's rather sad, actually,

But life is supposed to be a bit sad, Ariana thinks, because if it wasn't, her mums wouldn't have tried so hard to make her happy.


	8. viii

When they are ten, one for a second time, they learn of a monster from a fairy tale. A monster who killed many people because they were different, like what those boys could have been, if they weren't dead.

Luna thinks the name Voldemort is silly. Ariana doesn't even know how to say it. They both decide it is a disease, like hating people. So he made his own disease because he hated people, and then killed people with it. How silly of him because now he is dead too.

Or people say he is dead, because of someone who was a baby once and now is a kid now, just like her. And because of Albus.

Luna finds it fun to call him headmaster, even though Ariana chants the name "Al" like raindrops on a summer day because she is so happy he is here too, alive too.

She is happy to be able to go to his school and use magic.

She thinks their brothers would like that if they knew who she was, even if she has no friends.

Luna would rather like friends, but people have trouble with strangeness. They are a strange person, but that's all right. They have Dad, and this one isn't going away.

Still, they both agree, friends are something they don't know about, but would really like very much.


	9. ix

Diagon Alley makes Ariana nervous.

It is the most people she has ever been around, so Luna understands. But if you smile enough, anyone will like you. Or if they don't like you, they won't know what to do with you instead, and that will make them quiet and curious and scared, like kitties without mommies. Or lonely puppies.

It's too bad she can't bring a puppy to Hogwarts. People considered them too dirty and not... magicky enough.

Magic doesn't mean a thing if the animal loves you, and everyone knows toads love freedom more than people, much like cats love using people and owls are just... owls.

So no pets. That's fine. There will plenty of opportunities to hunt for Blibbering Humdingers and nargles and Snorkacks. There's no where that says that they can't  _find_ those.

Not that this makes Ariana any less nervous, but Luna knows how to make her magic not jump out by now. No means no most of the time, after all.

Dad probably doesn't even realize that Luna is the one actually looking at books and supplies. He hasn't noticed much since Mum went and did what she did and when he has, she's been sure it's been what Ariana says instead of what Luna does because helping Ariana makes him feel better.

That's what they think anyways.


	10. x

She wonders if her dad will be okay while she is at Hogwarts.

They certainly will be. Albus will be there. And maybe they can find Abe too.

Maybe they just need to get Luna's dad an Albus of his very own.

But not another Mum. There can't  _be_ another Mum.

Someone nice is good though.


	11. xi

Ginny is nice.

She gets awfully skittish when some people walk past their compartment, but Luna thinks little of it. Her father's Quibbler issue is more interesting and she thinks Ginny doesn't wish to draw attention to that but it's obvious. She thinks Ginny doesn't know how not to be obvious.

Ariana feels that Ginny will be their friend someday.

But neither of them know what a friend is, so how could they have one?

When they reach the castle, there is a rather large man guiding them up to the entrance. It's all very melodramatic, whispers a girl and a boy scoffs and tells her to shut up.

So very rude. Being honest does not mean to be rude. Perhaps the boy is simply close-minded. Boys seem to be like that, except for timid boys who know what being laughed at is like. She saw one of those on the train too, who kept chasing a toad down the compartments and looking shy whenever it managed to squeeze through a doorway.


	12. xii

Luna smells blood on the walls before everyone else sees the cat, and a part of her thinks it serves the cat right. It always hisses about evil children and disgusting humans and how its Argus will make them dance on the ceiling one day and its words scare Ariana to tears day in and day out and it hurts her ears to hear the girl cry so seeing the cat so rightly terrified and frozen is not a bother. It will be able to be fixed anyway.

What bothers her is that the cat was Petrified and no one knows how. Not even she knows how. She writes to her father, and her father owls with nothing useful and it saddens her. Because one cat is one life and there will be more. More blood, more people, more whispers.

She sees Ginny across the hall, and her face is befuddled and hurt and clingy, clingy to something in her bag.

Perhaps they ought to say something.

_But nobody has open ears in this place._

Ariana is right to think that.


	13. xiii

There are children popping up Petrified everywhere she looks.

Muggles, she thinks. Muggle-borns. Why is it always them?

 _Dirty blood,_  her father would remind her if she was here. Both of their fathers. Albus too. Well, he once would have. Watching him run around now, she doesn't think so.  _People think only fully magical blood is worth anything and they're desperate to keep it. They are behind the times, and they will be the ones to regret it someday._

Ariana thinks of her father attacking Muggle boys that put mud on her dress and blood in her hair and told her magic to make things explode.

Luna thinks of her father growing plants that no Muggle would understand without explanations and a Memory Charm.

Both of them wonder who is really behind the times and who is just simply very scared.


	14. xiv

Ginny is missing.

It's not the bad missing, not yet, but she has skipped class again and her dormmates whisper about fever and vomiting and closed curtains. Of course, when she asks, they only sneer at her and laugh, something about the boyish cut of her hair and the way her eyes look. Or is it because of the protective charm of a used bubble wand sticking out of her back pocket?

Why do people think about such strange things?

She only writes to her father again, and doesn't say anything.

She is very relieved when Ginny finally returns to the Great Hall and to her many brothers, who close around her like there is no change. But Luna couldn't grasp why and, upon further exploration, nor can Ariana.

Ginny is not her friend.

But no one else seems to see the dark circles, the small limp, the hunch of her shoulders.

She waits for her father's letter to come.


	15. xv

The letter comes and it's rather useless. All it says is to wait and keep an eye on things... and to watch out for snakes. Luna ponders this, as he usually says to watch for Snorkacks. So perhaps this is a bigger problem than she first thought.

Ariana hates snakes. They often bit her when Aberforth led her through the garden and if she said anything or did anything he would scold her. He always looked so happy whenever she was quiet back then, like he was doing something grand and special for being able to sit and tolerate his little sister. Ariana wonders now if he still thinks that, wherever he is.

She never has the heart to tell him it was Albus who secretly soothed her fevers and turned her magic mostly to sparks and less to flames.

Not that Luna intends to tell either brother either of these things because it won't help her any and it won't help Ginny any and as much as that bothers her, what good will it do because they don't need that added stress or the pain of what will seem like a lie. They simply do not.

So she sits and waits and contemplates what she could do if she had any power, and goes into the obscure library shelves and wonders.

She ponders murder and noises in the pipes and the whispers of a hero being the Heir of Slytherin. Ariana wonders if someone is stacking the world against Harry Potter.

Luna only hopes that people are not so petty.

But at the age of eleven, when the only friends she has are the ghosts and the elves and herself, she knows that people are.

Quite silly, really.


	16. xvi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! I apologize if it seems like I'm rushing through the books every once in a while. Since Luna wasn't directly interacting with everyone aside from Ginny until OotP, I didn't want to shoehorn her in, though hopefully by the time of book 3 she'll have her own adventure. As it is right now, she is at the peripheral. But other things will catch her attention, they inevitably do. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Over the holidays she finds Crabbe and Goyle trapped in a broom cupboard. It isn't done very well, they nearly fell into her lap when she opened the door. It's entertaining in an abstract way but they leave a waste of perfectly good sweets left behind. She decides to take them to the edge of the forest and feed them to the thestrals. She knows that they prefer raw meat, but to them the sweetness may be welcome after the dead bitterness of the forest air.

She is aware it is snowing, but at the edge of the castle doors, she remembers she lacks shoes. The nargles have left with her boots again. Perhaps the prefects knew where they nested, so she could ask for them back. What they wished to do with shoes was pure speculation, of course, but many creatures and things were the same.

Ariana whispers that they are the same and Luna questions why that is a bad thing.

She goes out in the snow to feed the thestrals anyway. The chill will be a comfort from the stifle of pretending everything is all right in a world where it clearly is not.

They appreciate her company, and when she returns inside, she finds a girl stuck as a cat and two boys (one of which is Harry Potter again, she's starting to think he might enjoy this sort of adventure) trying to explain why and how and the cat-girl is crying.

Ariana wonders if accidental magic can still happen when you're twelve years old, or if it's really accidental. But then she remembers herself, and cries. Luna wipes her own tears like she has a million times, and goes down to the house-elves to ask for chamomile tea.

She fears she will have nightmares tonight.


	17. xvii

Following that day, the school somehow seems colder. People clump together and the gaps in the hallways seem so much visible than usual. The winter chill leading into February is solemn and unwanted but Luna has never been one to tell the weather what to do. The dueling club apparently continues on, as do the Muggleborns being petrified.

So much pain, so much worry and fear, and not enough love. Love is the key to everything even when it is twisted and sad and sore. She wonders if her brother understands this, if he teaches this and the people simply forget, or if he has given up on trying since she died.

Through Ariana, Luna wonders what has happened since those days. Where was Gellert and why was he no longer making her brother laugh? Why did he have to be vanquished? Would they meet again someday? That would be good, yes, that would be good as it would show all of these student packs that they should be bigger and more well-behaved.

Somehow, even the cupids Lockhart brought in only make things worse. People giggle for only so long. And then it grows quiet.

The Mandrakes are almost ready.

She wishes she could talk to Dumbledore, tell him who she was.

But he has enough to deal with right now.

… Though maybe someone should tell him one of the bathrooms is flooded.


	18. xvii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a few more updates and we'll be out of Chamber of Secrets. Please read and review and enjoy!

Something's happened.

A lot of somethings have happened.

The forest is shaking again, shaking with ancient fear. Luna doesn't go down to see. Ariana cringes at the thought. There is noise, so much noise. Usually Ravenclaw is quiet, she thrives off it because she can hear the nargles buzzing over shifting paper and scratching quills. But now it is noisy and tense and upset. People are thinking of leaving, parents and their owls are daily.

Her father doesn't ask. She, they, would have refused anyway. Now while Albus is still here, and even then. Ariana is finally here at Hogwarts, she can't go.

But Hagrid goes. She sees him and the spiders howl as only spiders can and it's scary. Little figures go into the forest. She wishes she could warn them. The forest likes Hagrid, it embraced him. It won't embrace random children.

She doesn't know why it's taken her in.

But the walls make such a noise now.

Luna doesn't want to admit it, but she is a little frightened.

She is finally here. Why are they all being driven away?


	19. xix

Ginny is gone.

She's been spirited away, but not by the nargles or the Snorkacks. It is the hissing in the walls that's guided her away. She follows the hissing wherever she can until she reaches a bathroom.

Then she's caught by a prefect. She doesn't even think the girl knows her name, and neither name matters because Albus would know only one and be terrified of the other and for once Ariana wishes her magic was a bit less controlled and a bit more wild again so she could knock them aside because this thing in the pipes is so important and why aren't they letting her meet it and see why?'

_The establishment is often meant to preserve the established instead of breaking it, Luna. Please don't forget this._

Only now does she understand what that means.

Luna doesn't even understand why the disappearance of Ginny even bothers her. Perhaps it's because she's a neighbor and loving thy neighbor is as essential as breathing or perhaps it is because they are in the same year and she didn't laugh at Luna's earrings.

She doesn't know why, but maybe it's like wanting a friend but not knowing how to do anything wave awkwardly from the other side of the room.


	20. xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end of Chamber of Secrets. Hopefully I can write the Prisoner of Askaban part before I post it, but we'll see!

_xx._

The train seems faster than normal, or maybe it's because on this ride she isn't paying attention to her surroundings. It was so exciting back then. Now, after that busy year, Luna doesn't want to be excited. She just wants to read the stories Daddy had while she was gone.

The only untrue one so far is the one about the Chamber, but Ariana says she can't prove that it is or isn't true without asking Harry Potter. That is true, and she doesn't plan to ask, so she can believe her father if she wants to.

"Is someone else in here?"

Luna looks up, sees Ginny Weasley and her face freckles standing out on her pale face, and shakes her head in the negative. She returns to her  _Quibbler_  as Ginny shuts the compartment door behind her.

Ginny seemed to be almost vibrating. Ariana guesses it's not excitement, but anticipation. She expects something from Luna, but for the life of her, Luna can't guess what.

So she keeps reading, and then pulls out one of her spellbooks and starts to look through her summer homework.

"Aren't you going to ask?"

Ginny's voice is low and it shakes but it's also trying to be tough, tough like Aberforth during one of the fits or Albus when Papa didn't come home.

Luna shrugs. "Not unless you want me to."

Another pause. "... I don't."

"Then why would you ask?"

Ginny shrugs. "Everyone is."

"It's not exciting being nearly dead," Luna says. "You mostly sleep through anything press worthy and you probably just woke up and felt miserable and wanting your mum.' She pauses. "I hope Daddy has fresh bread baking. I want to garden this summer."

She trails off and regards Ginny for a moment more, then settles back into her homework.

For some reason, this silence feels much nicer.


End file.
